What is puppy love?
Its the beginning of a dogs life.

I, too, had an ideal once.
How did you come to lose it?
I married it.

What is your brother name?"
Little Jane I dont know yet. We cant understand a word he says

And has your baby learned to talk yet?
Oh, yes. We are teaching him to keep quiet now

Mummy, give me another piece of sugar, said little Helen
But youve had three already her mother pointed out.
Just one more, mummy.
Well, this must be the last.
Thank you, mummy but I must say youve got no will-power

Little Girl Mummy, is my birthday coming soon?
Mother Yes, very soon now, but why do you ask?
Little girl I only wanted to know because I was wandering if it were time I began to be a good little girl.

Is ink so very expensive, father?
Why, no, what makes you think so?
Well, mother seems quite disturbed because I spilled some on the hall carpet.

Mother Why are you making faces at that bulldog?
Small Child (wailing) He started it

And how old are you, my little man?
Im not old at all. Im nearly new.

Lady have you lost yourself, little boy?
Little Boy No boo hoo Ive found a street I dont know.

Auntie Do you know you are playing with two very naughty little boys, Johnnie?
Johnnie Yes.
Auntie You do! Im surprised. Why dont you play with good little boys?
Johnnie Because their mother wont let them!

Visitor Do you like reciting, dear?
Child Oh, no, I hate it, really. But mummy makes me do it when she wants people to go.

Mother Why were you kept after school to-day, Johnny?
Johnny Teacher told us to write an essay on The Result of Laziness, and I turned in a blank sheet of paper.
Teacher Now, Robert, What are you doing learning something?
Robert No, sir; Im listening to you.

Jim will be in hospital a long time.
Why, have you seen the doctor?
No, the nurse

Judge Arent you ashamed to be seen here in cought so often?
Prisoner Why no, your honour; I always thought it was very respectable place.

Teacher What is the meaning of the word matrimony?
Willie Father says it is not a word; its a sentence.

Author I once got ten dollars a word.
Editor Hmm! How was that?
Author I talked back to the judge.

Mother What did your father say when he saw his broken pipe?
Innocent Child Shall I leave out the naughty words?
Mother Certainly, my dear.
Innocent Child Then I dont think he said anything.

If the dean doesnt take back what he said to me this morning, Im going to leave college.
What did he say?
He told me to leave college.

Professor Before we begin the exams, are there any questions?
Student Yes, whats the name of the course?

Boss Where do you keep your papers?
Clerk In a strong box, sir.
Boss Is is reliably?
Clerk Yes, it is. You cant open it with any key.
Boss How do you open it?
Clerk With a nail.

Judge How could you swindle people who trusted in you?
Prisoner But, Judge, people who dont trust you cannot be swindled

Judge What is your age? Remember, you are under oath.
Woman witness Twenty-one and some moths.
Judge How many moths?
Woman witness One hundred and eight

@: SOAD - Toxicity - Deer Dance

@:  .

@: Melm,