Зацепило, потащило.

[Ellesar]

— “What is puppy love?”
— “It’s the beginning of a dog’s life.”

— “I, too, had an ideal once.”
— “How did you come to lose it?”
— “I married it.”

other over 9000 jokes

— “What is your brother name?"
Little Jane — “I don’t know yet. We can’t understand a word he says”

— “And has your baby learned to talk yet?”
— “Oh, yes. We are teaching him to keep quiet now”

— “Mummy, give me another piece of sugar,” said little Helen
— “But you’ve had three already” her mother pointed out.
— “Just one more, mummy.”
— “Well, this must be the last.”
— “Thank you, mummy — but I must say you’ve got no will-power”

Little Girl — “Mummy, is my birthday coming soon?”
Mother — “Yes, very soon now, but why do you ask?”
Little girl — “I only wanted to know because I was wandering if it were time I began to be a good little girl.”

— “Is ink so very expensive, father?”
— “Why, no, what makes you think so?”
— “Well, mother seems quite disturbed because I spilled some on the hall carpet.”

Mother — “Why are you making faces at that bulldog?”
Small Child (wailing) “He started it”

— “And how old are you, my little man?”
— “I’m not old at all. I’m nearly new.”

Lady — “have you lost yourself, little boy?”
Little Boy — “No — boo — hoo — I’ve found a street I don’t know.”

Auntie — “Do you know you are playing with two very naughty little boys, Johnnie?”
Johnnie — “Yes.”
Auntie — “You do! I’m surprised. Why don’t you play with good little boys?”
Johnnie — “Because their mother won’t let them!”

Visitor — “Do you like reciting, dear?”
Child — “Oh, no, I hate it, really. But mummy makes me do it when she wants people to go.”

Mother —“Why were you kept after school to-day, Johnny?”
Johnny — “Teacher told us to write an essay on ‘The Result of Laziness’, and I turned in a blank sheet of paper.”
Teacher — “Now, Robert, What are you doing — learning something?”
Robert — “No, sir; I’m listening to you.”

— “Jim will be in hospital a long time.”
— “Why, have you seen the doctor?”
— “No, the nurse”

Judge — “Aren’t you ashamed to be seen here in cought so often?”
Prisoner — “Why no, your honour; I always thought it was very respectable place.”

Teacher — “What is the meaning of the word ‘matrimony’?”
Willie — “Father says it is not a word; it’s a sentence.”

Author — “I once got ten dollars a word.”
Editor — “Hmm! How was that?”
Author — “I talked back to the judge.”


Mother — “What did your father say when he saw his broken pipe?”
Innocent Child — “Shall I leave out the naughty words?”
Mother — “Certainly, my dear.”
Innocent Child — “Then I don’t think he said anything.”

— “If the dean doesn’t take back what he said to me this morning, I’m going to leave college.”
— “What did he say?”
— “He told me to leave college.”

Professor — “Before we begin the exams, are there any questions?”
Student — “Yes, what’s the name of the course?”

Boss — “Where do you keep your papers?”
Clerk — “In a strong box, sir.”
Boss — “Is is reliably?”
Clerk —“Yes, it is. You can’t open it with any key.”
Boss — “How do you open it?”
Clerk — “With a nail.”

Judge — “How could you swindle people who trusted in you?”
Prisoner — “But, Judge, people who don’t trust you cannot be swindled”

Judge — “What is your age? Remember, you are under oath.”
Woman witness — “Twenty-one and some moths.”
Judge — “How many moths?”
Woman witness — “One hundred and eight”